Christian Dispute Solutions
Terry Sutter, M.A.
Frequently Asked Questions
What is Mediation?
Mediation is an informal process in which an impartial third party facilitates a meeting between disputing parties. It’s a way of solving problems which allows the parties to talk with each other, even if they could not do so before, and resolve their conflict without resorting to the courts for imposed solutions. The mediator assists the parties in finding mutually acceptable solutions to their dispute. Mediation is private, voluntary, and confidential. Moreover, it is a highly effective process for resolving conflict and settling disputes in a wide range of contexts, including divorce, workplace/employment, churches, family, and business to name a few.
What is Christian Mediation?
Christian mediation follows the same process as any mediation with the difference being the mediator uses a faith-based approach, biblical principles, and prayerful discernment. He or she follows the same protocol as a non-Christian mediator, but has the advantage of the greatest Mediator, Jesus Christ as their guide, strength, resource, and influence. Christian mediators know that the only hope for healing is through a personal relationship with the Lord.
What is Relationship Mediation?
When people come together whether for business, employment, religious, or personal reasons we often discover that we have opposing interests and expectations, and diverse communication styles. These factors often lead to conflict. Mediation is an effective means for resolving personal and professional relationship conflict. With the help of the mediator, the parties work toward gaining a better understanding of the conflict and its roots. In addition they learn how to improve their communication and conflict resolution skills.
What is Christian Divorce Mediation?
Divorce mediation is a peaceful and dignified alternative to a prolonged and destructive approach to divorce using opposing attorneys and the court system. Parties empower themselves to create the terms of their divorce rather than having a Judge’s decisions imposed on them. Many couples fear that they may not be able to use mediation because they are unable to speak to one another in a civil manner due to so much hurt and anger. This is not uncommon and it does not preclude you from using and benefiting from mediation. A skilled mediator will be able to facilitate the discussion and keep the process productive.
What Does the Mediator Do?
The mediator facilitates the communication process, guiding the parties through thorough discussion, cooperative negotiation, and ultimately making thoughtful and informed decisions. Mediators do not take sides nor decide how a dispute will be resolved – the parties maintain full control over the outcome, creating their own solutions.
How Much does Mediation Cost?
Mediation usually costs a fraction of what hiring opposing attorneys and pursuing litigation costs. Typically parties share the cost of the mediation.
Why is Mediation Better than Taking my Problem to Court?
Mediation is consistent with the Bible's teaching. Additionally, mediation saves time, money, and reduces emotional drain. Mediation is a much faster route to resolution than litigation. Parties can often resolve their dispute in a matter of days, or even a few hours, depending on the complexity of the dispute; compared to litigation, which can take years. Mediation encourages and allows parties, rather than lawyers and judges to control the outcome regarding their finances, parenting plans, families, and businesses.
What are the Benefits of Mediation?
Contrary to what many people think, you do not have to hire opposing attorneys and use an adversarial approach to your separation or divorce. Most of the time, both parties find the process and the judge’s decisions unsatisfactory. There’s an old saying, “even winning in court can mean losing more than you’ve gained.” This of course is referencing the huge financial and emotional costs involved in adversarial court proceedings. Moreover, the battle waged in family court only fuels an already difficult and strained relationship between the parties. On the contrary, couples using mediation learn to transform the way they interact with one another, learning to diffuse their conflict, thus restoring peace to their children’s and their own lives. Exposing children to high conflict between parents is one of the most destructive things parents can do to their children.
Who Should Use Mediation?
Mediation offers significant advantages to any couple who has the courage to dialogue with each other directly regarding their conflict and mutual interests. Even if communications with your spouse have not been good, a skilled mediator can help you express your concerns and needs. We believe there is no one more qualified to enter this voluntary settlement process, which allows the parties rather than lawyers and judges control what happens to their finances, parenting arrangements, businesses, and their lives.
You will take on much of the responsibility for deciding how “fair” will be defined for your particular agreement. Likewise, each gives up the option of blaming the courts for imposing an “unfair” settlement upon them, if either should later become dissatisfied. The couple who mediates can reach creative and individualized solutions that fit their unique family and situation. But to do so, they must create and then live by their own working definitions of “fairness.”
To a large extent, “fairness” is in the eye of the beholder. Each beholder may have difficulty seeing the reality through the lenses of unspoken preconceptions and assumptions. The mediator will help with clarity and options, and guide you through the work to be done.
At the end of the process, mediation will have allowed you the parties to make clear commitments to one another and decide the course of action going forward. You re-define your new relationship as parents and your financial lives with your accountability for a future.